My Boys

When I write here or really anywhere I always write about Timmy. Of course I would, he is always on my mind, and I miss him so much, so so much, it hurts so bad. He was my youngest of 3 boys. My little shadow, I took him everywhere with me. We were close, he was like my buddy, even as he got older into the teenage years. He never got in any trouble, he never lied to me, he was shy and quiet but I knew him better than anyone else. Most mom's don't when their boys turn 15 years old, but I can say I knew him best. I raised 3 boys on my own. A single mom with a full time job. I was pregant with Timmy when his Dad & I split up. It was hard, life was not easy. Finding day care, and getting everyone off to school, or when they were sick begging people to watch them for me. I missed a lot of the growing up years, but I tried to keep them all in something, even if they just tried. Like all my boys played football. My middle son who is now 22 he played the longest. Timmy loved football, it was his dream to become a quaterback, but when he was younger he couldn't handle the practices 5 days a week, in 98 degree temps and I'd be picking them up from daycare or day camp and right to practice, with no dinner, they'd be dressing in the car getting them uniforms on. I would bring snacks and water. But after a few weeks and bad migraine headaches he just couldn't do it, but he was little then. We thought once he got into High School he could try out then, he was good, he had an arm on him like you wouldn't believe. But back to what I was saying, as you can see my mind drifts back to Timmy, I don't mean too, it just happens. So my oldest was in karate, football, baseball, etc. and it was hard running from one thing to another and I'm sure all the single moms out there with no support from dad would surely understand what I'm saying. Now my middle guy did football, skate hockey, baseball, etc. and Timmy, well he tried everything!!! Believe it or not they all loved playing chess, something when you see them would be hard to believe, and Timmy could knock you right out after 2 moves!! We used to have game nights, and I'd read to them every night. I remember how my oldest would get so mad as I would read chapters from some favorite books they all were into, and the other two would be jumping up and down in their beds not interested and he would tell them to stop and listen to the story! We had good times, even if they were hard times. Some days I wish I could turn back the hands of time and re-live some of those moments and realize when I thought life was so hard back then, how hard it was raising 3 boys on my own, working a full time job, running around picking everyone up, going home doing dinner, cleaning up, making sure they did their homework, getting baths and lunches for the next day. I just don't know how I even did it!!! I look back now and say, God I'd take those days back anytime. After losing a son to murder, that was all a piece of cake! But I love all my boys, thru good times and bad time, thru thick and thin. I just wish life would have been a lot easier, better and simpler for them. They deserved it. They had it hard too.