Another holiday past and missing Timmy more each day. This is such a hard time of the year, not only for me, but my boys, my family and friends. Those who lost someone they love, or are sick, or having finanicial hard times. I keep you all in my prayers. I write this post not only for my son Timmy, but also for Kim one of my mom friends who died suddenly. She was one of the first mom's I met on a message forum called Mothers of Murdered Sons and Daughters. I made many good friends there and I love them all, they don't judge me, or think differenly of me because of my grief or tell me it's time to move on, it's been long enough. Kim used to carry Timmy's poster to any of the rally's or walks or remberance days with her and her daughter's Kaylin, that is something I will always treasure. And also for my dearest friend Melinda who lost another son, losing two sons, it's hard enough losing one, but two? I am amazed by her courage! I write these blogs not only in memory of Timmy, or some days just feeling bad for things that keep going wrong. Each day is something different to deal with, but I also want to try and remmeber to write about my good friends, and my great family who are always there for me. For my two boys who are going thru bad times, to tell them I love them and will always be here for them. I know they miss their brother, they are sad, not to many people realize it's hard for siblings TOO! We all deal with our pain in different ways, but it's always there, never leaving, maybe a moment of laughter, or a joke, it takes the heartache away for just one moment, but then they are the moments we need to hold on to because life is to short. I remember in the beginning I used to write a journal about Timmy and each day I'd write a memory of him. There are many and I'm so afraid of losing them. Sometimes my boys would tell me a story and I'd be like oh wow I didn't know that, or maybe one of his friends would tell me something funny he did and I'd laugh knowing something new about him. I don't want people to stop talking about him because they think it might hurt me or make me cry. I love hearing stories of him and the funny things he did, or even the stupid things he did it gives me more memories. 15 years is not enough memories to have, but those I do I hold onto so tightly. I'd like to think that speaking about him or the pain I've lived thru maybe can help someone else, knowing they are not alone. We are bound by our angels, bound by our love, bound by our familes and our other children who also grieve. Timmy loved this time of year, he loved the cold weather, the snow, the holidays. He loved Christmas and was the first to get up each morning even though when it was time for school you couldn't even get him out of bed, but Christmas he was up at 6am!!! Begging me to wake his brothers up and making him wait cause it was way to early! So now each time I write I'm going to try and write a memory any kind, good, bad, funny, crazy, etc. I hope that anyone who reads this it will put a smile on thier face and think of my son, and think of their children and cherish each memory whether good or bad, because they fade away so quickly. So my memory for today is: My neighbor's nephew was being punished, we live right next door to each other, our houses connect as we live in twins. Well he was good friends with Timmy so him being punished to his room, Timmy would climb out my bedroom window and sneak across the roof and sit there at his friends window talking to him to keep him company cause he wasn't allowed out! that's Timmy for you, always there for a friend in need. Good night baby cakes, I love you ♥
