I was listening to a song by the Foo Fighters called "Hero" and was wondering who would I consider my hero??? When I was young it was my dad, of course every young girl thinks their dad is their hero. As I got a little older, it was my mom. She was the strength of the whole family. I saw it through more of a grown ups eye. Taking care of 6 kids, 2 handicapped sons. Life was hard on my mom. She died when she was 58 years old a year before the birth of my oldest son Joey. She never got to see any of my boys. Now I wonder, are there any true heros out there???? Well, now I have to say I have 3 heros. My 3 sons. First, Timmy. 15 years old. He had a hard time in school. he hated school. but he was a good kid. loved football and playing video games. Jumping on the trampoline was the best gift I ever got him. Him and his friends did all kinds of crazy stuff on that thing. I couldn't even watch sometimes it scared the crap out of me. Then in July 13, 2007 he was murdered. Anyone reading my blog would know how and when. Shot in the back of his head. I think often was he scared, what were his last thoughts, did he know how much I loved him. He is one true hero to me, and I believe to many of his friends and family. Because he was such a good person, kind heart, I always considered him an "old soul". He had the biggest prettiest blue eyes, and a killer smile with a big dimple. I miss that face and a laugh that would make you laugh with him, he had that addicting laugh!! Next would be my son Joey. My sweet first son, my true blessing as I thought I was never able to have children. Holding him the first time was such joy. As he grew up he was teased a lot because of his ears. He hated his ears. I told him as he grew his head would grow and his ears wouldn't so they'd fit just right as he got older!!! He had a hard time with things in life, started using drugs. Got in trouble with the law. Facing a trial when his brother was shot down like a dog in the street. He ID'd Timmy that night, no one was sure who it was. They came and got Joey who would not let them wake me up. That image burnt in his brain for the rest of his short life. He blamed himself all the time. He lost his friend too that night. Damian. Then he had to go away for a year. He did great when he got home. So proud of himself. Went back to trade school. But his friend he leant his car too got in an accident and totalled the car. He was devestated. He tried so hard in school but he was late all the time and it put a lot of stress on him. Then the trial came, that was the beginning to the end. He never got over that trial. he would cry all the time for his brother, himself, for me and for his other brother Matt. He had a good heart, he was crazy yes, I won't not admit that, he defended himself and his family. He'd defend his friends to the end. He never backed down. But he was a good person, he had a great sense of humor, but a broken heart. No one truly understood Joey. No one saw the pain he had. No one understood how lost he felt. But he kept on trying and to the end he still tried to do the best he could do. Only thing that keeps me from completely falling apart is thinking that God felt it was his time, he suffered too much, he is now one of God's warriors. My third hero, is my son Matt. He is such a smart guy. Always did great in school. Loves history and math. Has a beautiful smile. He is a good man. Joined the National Guard which was brutal some times. Then broke his foot in 10 places, awful ordeal. But now losing two brothers has left him beaten, fallen, coping as best he can. How can a 26 year old deal with this much loss and pain in their life I always wonder. He is the main reason why I am still standing. He is suffering terribly. But he still tries to smile that beautiful smile. He is trying so hard to keep it going, imagine losing two of your brothers???? Then he lost his pop-pop just not 2 months ago. I know how hard it is for me. Losing two sons, no mother should endure the pain of losing even one child!!!!! I can't imagine how hard it is for him, I see how it affects him. But he still gets up every day and does the best he can, he has troubles yes, but he shines on for me. I love them all with all my heart. I pray that Matt and I will get through this even with broken hearts, I want him to be happy and have a good life, raise a family. My three sons, my true heros.
