Another holiday missed. This will be my third without Timmy, this 4th of July. My son was killed 9 days later on a Friday the 13th, 2007. I wish I could remember what we did that year. I keep hoping it was a nice holiday for us, with Timmy. He loved the firworks, not just watching them, but setting off his own little display. How is it that 3 years have passed already. In two weeks it will be 3 years he was murdered. I still can't understand why anyone would want to hurt him, he was a good kid, he never bothered anyone. It's been a while since I wrote here, I guess there is just too much going on in my mind to keep it together. To much to write sometimes. I always feel like there is a veil of sadness around me, I don't want people to stray away, but I can't help to feel this way. Especially around holidays, birthdays, anniversaries. I try and think of good memories things that I can think that make me happy, but sometimes even those thoughts bring me tears because I know there will be no more memories for me. No new ones to share. I probably wouldn't even be here writing on this blog, my whole life has changed. I'm not the "me" I used to be. I just miss him so much, I can't even describe the emptiness inside my heart. I just always ask why? why? But yet I know even if I got an answer it would never be a good enough answer. There is no reasoning, just evilness. I miss going down the beach, walking the boardwalk. Buying funnel cake with all my boys. Watching them ride the roller coasters, how he loved the rides! Oh and the Go Carts, he couldn't get enough of. He'd get off and get right back in line. These are the times I wish I had a video recorder, I could replay the happiness there once was, instead of the sadness that envelopes my home, my life, my other sons, everything around me feels sad. My niece had a baby boy and she named him Timmy after her favorite cousin, they were like brother and sister. It made me feel so good to hear that, now we have another little Timmy in the family. I just wish God could give me my Timmy back.
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